Our Children and AI: Why We Cannot Settle for Feeling “Left Behind”

During a dinner with friends over the Christmas holidays, a mother said to me, “You’re on another dimension! I feel so inadequate with my son.”

Yet, I must admit, despite myself, that this is not the case. Notwithstanding my studies in Cyberpsychology, despite being a psychologist, despite having published a book on AI in 2019, and despite being the one who introduces my son to many tools, well… despite all that, two years ago I failed to notice that my own son had become addicted to a game that was very popular online at the time.

It was happening right under my nose and I hadn’t noticed.

And that is precisely the point: no amount of expertise or training suffices if our level of alertness and attention falters even for just a few weeks. I am not talking about control; parental controls on mobile phones work, but that is not the point.

The heart of the matter is that, even when equipped with the superpower of parental controls, we feel profoundly and unfortunately inadequate compared to those who, in our eyes, seem like “mini tech gurus” who inevitably save us when we don’t know how to reset a phone or when our laptop freezes.

Not to mention phrases like these:

“Mom, I installed this new AI app, look what it can do!”
“Dad, I want to make a TikTok video with a special effect that uses AI!”

How many times have we heard similar phrases, perhaps uttered by our children with a naturalness that leaves us speechless? We see young people move with extreme speed from one app to another, as if technology were an extension of their being. And it is normal to wonder: “So, are they the future? They are already ahead of me!”

The answer might surprise you: yes, young people are very fast with smartphones and apps, but that does not mean they have a deep vision of what it truly means to use AI and digital tools in a conscious, critical, and ethical way. This is why we parents—even if one day we will simply be “curious grandparents”—have a fundamental role: to educate ourselves, so that we can educate them.

The “Middle Generation” and Our Responsibility

Our children represent the so-called “middle generation”: digital natives, yes, but still under construction from a values and cultural perspective. They live in a hyper-technological present and look to the future with an ease of use regarding tools that appear complex to us. But it is not a given that they know how to manage boundaries, distinguish truth from falsehood, select useful content, and set (for example) an appropriate level of privacy.

In a few years, our children’s children—our grandchildren—will inherit the choices we are making today.

If we stop in the face of a sense of inadequacy (“They know more than I do anyway”), we risk failing to perform that critical task that belongs to us as adults: wondering how to guide the use of these technologies, how to teach young people not to settle for what is easy and immediate. In short, how to help them see AI not just as a technological toy, but as a tool for growth.

Parents and Different Styles… a Common Goal

On my site, I have identified four “parental profiles” (link to parent test) related to the relationship with technology:

1. Adaptive Parent:
   • Balanced, open to dialogue, but sometimes underestimates the need for training (thinking that the kids “will manage on their own”).
2. Helicopter Parent 2.0:
   • Extremely protective and eager to control everything. However, they tend to feel overwhelmed by continuous innovations.
3. Permissive/Disconnected Parent:
   • Views technology as “kids’ stuff” and does not follow it enough, remaining unaware of the dangers and opportunities.
4. Pragmatic Parent:
   • Seeks the right compromise, uses technology if needed, but could further explore the potential (and risks) of AI.

Whatever our “label” or our mix, the common goal is the same: not to let young people grow up with only “digital dexterity,” devoid of a critical eye. Yes, because a child who does not know how to distinguish fake news from real news or how to protect their data online risks falling into traps that we parents have a duty to warn them about, but above all, they do not know that shortcuts can have consequences for their critical thinking.

“An app a day keeps (digital) ignorance away!”

There is a simple and fun way to bridge the gap between our generation and their technological skill: experimenting together. Here is an exercise I propose to you:

1. Explore the portal “There Is An AI For That”
   – It is a site (you can find it here) that collects dozens of AI-based apps and tools, divided by category.
2. Choose a new app together
   – It could be something that creates music with AI, creative writing software, or an advanced photo editing system.
3. Test it together
   – Let your child “tinker” and observe how they move, but at the same time, don’t just watch: ask, explore, take apart and reassemble the functions.
4. Moment of discussion
   – How does the app work, what data does it ask for, where does this data end up? Are there risks? Is there an “opaque” algorithm behind it?
   – Teach them to ask “why” and “how” regarding the results they obtain, rather than settling for clicking a button.
5. In-depth analysis
   – Dedicate time to looking for external information: reviews, comments from other users, possible problems. Make them understand that before trusting an app, you must evaluate its reliability.

Repeating this “game” several times (for example, once a week) will increase confidence with AI and—more importantly—will nurture your child’s curiosity and critical thinking. And perhaps… yours too.

The (Fundamental) Role of Critical Thinking

If there is one thing we risk losing in the digital age, it is precisely critical thinking: we accept search results, posts, and videos without asking who the author is or what their purpose might be. Educating a child to “tinker” consciously does not mean banning technology or making them take early degree courses in Computer Science, but teaching them to ask questions.

• What kind of answer is ChatGPT giving me?
• How can I delve deeper into this answer?
• Have I verified the information, the context, the links provided, the citations?
• How can I use ChatGPT as Co-Intelligence instead of a simple shortcut for quick answers?

If we are consistent in training this mindset, we will have formed small (and large) digital citizens capable of using AI, instead of being used by it or, even worse, flattened by it.

The future… is (also) in our hands

One day, we will probably find ourselves smiling as we watch our grandchildren use even more advanced technologies (let’s remember that the AI we use today will be the worst version of what we will use tomorrow), in a world whose outlines we can only imagine today. But the choices we make now—as parents who do not surrender to the feeling of “staying behind”—will impact that future. If we train them today, tomorrow they will be able to make wiser and more responsible choices.

Let us not limit ourselves, therefore, to saying “I’ll let them do everything, they know more than I do anyway.” We are the ones who can teach these new generations the difference between a simple “tool” and a true “opportunity for growth.” Because turning on a computer is not the same thing as turning on the mind.

“Give children roots and wings,” says an old proverb.

Today we could update it to: “Give children roots, wings… and a healthy critical spirit toward AI.”

Happy exploring and happy (re)discovery of Artificial Intelligence, together!